I Love You Man

I Love You Man 2013 Boat Race - Watch more I Love You Man

Don't worry donut-punchers. It's the name of a movie. I don't actually love you. I'm just in it for the cheap sex. Enjoy this clip though!

Sex Addict

While Jaceone is busy douching his vaginer, I thought I'd post a manly man picture.

And what's more manly than a big 'ole V8? A kick you square in the nuts V12 , that's what. (go ahead and count them, I'll wait.)

..., nine, ten, oneteen, twoteen.

I grew up in America, a fact that I'll gladly hide if you meet me in a foreign country as I proudly declare myself Canadian (the only country to totally kick our ass in war btw--and yes it seems that and pornentertainment industry are the only things we're good at).

okay where was I? Oh yeah so I grew up with the manly man grunting "say what'cha got in there? a Vee-Eight?" and yes I'll grant you that going from point a to point b really really fast is, well, fun as a fat chick with father issues, but, It's got nothing on going really really fast and then turning. oh yeah I said it: go fast and turn. And none of this all left turns bullshit, that's just retarded. Blasphemer!

If you are still with me and wondering how could it be that some whimpy little Italian engine block could kick Detroit square in the dingleberries; listen to this my friend, this is what that hunk of metal above sounds like when it's all tinkertoyed together (it'll bring a tear to your eye, I swear):

no, it is no wonder as to why I'm an ass man

Blank Post

JaboOoody Dubs - Shamwow

Ok, another one from JaboOodyDubs, this time going after the Shamwow guy. Still think the Mighty Putty was the best one, but I still peed a little when I watched this. Then I used a Shamwow to clean it up. I'm boss like that.

[BS] presents: Free Food

Yep it's food and it's fucking free as shit. Well, you probably have to offer up your email for a continuous assault of ass raping spam from Quiznos, but they've got a fucking pepper bar for Christ sake!
http://www.millionsubs.com/Reg.php
I've signed up and I'll update you as to how my email's anus is doing shortly. someone check a mailinator address and see if they filter on that. Confirm in a comment below and I'll have quizno's send you a free sub coupon! (well actually by signing up for it they'll do that anyway but don't be a putz and share anyway)

love and hugs
tuefel

Jabo0oodyDubs - Mighty Mend It

This dude is my hero. If I were a chick with a vag, I would make babies with him. You can take that shit to the bank bitches, 'cause I said it!

Gotta love Craigslist

You can find the most random, off the wall shit on Craigslist. Here's a resume posting from a guy that cracked my shit up. If we made any money from this blog, I'd hire him in heartbeat. Anyways, check it out here.

Fine, Don't Fucking Hire Me, You Can't Handle My Shit
Date: 2008-12-02, 10:34PM CST


What the fuck people! I need a motherfuckin job, and I have a resume that says I am fucking fit to be your goddamn front desk/administrative assistant. I have applied to a ton of jobs on here, and not one of them responded, WHAT THE FUCK?!

Cover Letter? Here's my fucking cover letter!
Now, I'm really low on money, and I'll suck a dick if I have to...that's right!
Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll fight that motherfucker and I'll win! Can any other prospective employee say that?! FUCK NO! What'd you say? You lost your keys? FUCK IT! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes! That's how bad I need a motherfuckin job! Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that? I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don't believe me?! Then hire me and I'll fucking show you!

OBJECTIVE
I need a motherfuckin job.

SHIT I HAVE DONE
-I invented the moon.
-Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine.
-I am also a wolverine.
-Had sex with the Spice Girls.
-The blowjob machine was originally my idea until that bastard Clint Eastwood stole it.
-I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse.
-Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247444/
-Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave.
-I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works.
-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
-My brother is the Eiffel Tower
-Direct descendant of Beowulf
-Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in a hostile work environment
-Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19
-Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop

RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing
POSITION: Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor, loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that would frighten most people

GreenHate Enterprises
POSITION: Once Again, I was a fucking Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Organizing the dumping of bio-waste into the ocean, peeing in lakes, digging holes to fill with garbage, making garbage out of perfectly good and useful items, filling said wholes with said garbage, creating fake facts about Greenpeace and publishing them on the internet(I am internet savvy), good at filing...documents of hate.

REFERENCES
Glomgor Evil
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings
gorlock@peanutbutternipples.com

Sloblor the Muck Monster
GreenHate Enterprises
sloblor@greenhate.com


So, now that you know the real me, are you gonna hire me or not? I would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.

Sincerely,

Steve Madonna
stevemadonnayeah@gmail.com


remember.....anything.

Me So Funny, Me Laugh You Long Time

Correlations

Not only does the chart itself depict my level of motivation, but the fact I actually created the chart.

Happy Birthday JaceOne!!!!!!

Happy Birthday JaceOne! For all of you who don't know JaceOne, here is some rare footage of him showing off his skills, trying to get a discount at Best Buy. We love ya man, even if the cashier wasn't impressed.

Onion News Network - Apple Mac Wheel

Another one from The Onion. Now I do like some of Apple's products, but this is so damn funny because it's so damn true.

Onion News Network - Sony Piece of Shit

The Onion is so brilliant. This is a great piece on Sony. Warning: There may be one or two FUCK bombs dropped in this story. Or 712.

you can't fix stupid..

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece

Save the MILFs!!!!

Normally I support the troops unconditionally, but this is just wrong! I mean to attack a camp inhabited by such MILFs as:

and:

and:

is just plain wrong folks! Vote NO on this action and help save the MILFs!!!!

Spring is upon us!!

Well, not really. We were just spoiled with an weekend of great weather. I'm sure Mother Nature will go on the rag again soon and give us cold and snow and ice and general piss-me-the-fuck-off weather. However, I'm going to ignore all that for now and get us in the Spring mood.

First up are what will surely be every guy's must-have grill accessory:

And what better way to think Spring than to look at Jessica Alba in the water:

I was going to keep going, but I figured after that picture no one will really be reading this anymore. I can probably say whatever I want. Holy Jesus-humping-donkeys Batman, my balls are made of chocolate and covered in food poisoning and AIDS!! Someone call a stripper and have her hang some drywall. Hippity hoopla, poopity poop!

Are you still an idiot if no one is there to read it?

Epic Boobs Haiku

Epic boobs on boat.

Epic boobs up by her throat.

My readers happy.

i don't have tourettes

Beer-thirty

Thank god it's Friday

Two girls, one cup cake.

Yeah, I know the whole two girls thing is so old, but this just made me chuckle.

The Most Beautiful Thing in the World

Warning: NSFW!!! Viewing this picture will make you want to run outside and not come back to work.

Weird Shit

This just in: Japan's lead on the worlds' weird shit just jumped right to 86% as you can now shave the baby.

My favorite is the shin hairs.

God how I love to shave the ginger baby shin hairs.

This is such a fucking great idea we're going to need at least two of these bitches!

Photo finish

Final standings for the world submarine race competitions just in!

Gopher Dub

So apparently this Jabo0odyDubs guy has a shit pile of YouTube videos dubbing over the wonderfully tooltastic Billy Mays. Good shit readers, good shit.

Megan Fox

yep she plays guitar hero.

nope, jaceone still has absolutely no chance whatsoever.

ah but to dream...

Billy Mays - dub style

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Just when you thought a Billy Mays commercial couldn't be any funnier, someone dubs over it and makes you piss yourself. Or maybe I just pissed myself. I don't really remember. I drank a lot this weekend.