MARVEL VS. DC

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Screw PC vs. Mac. This is better because toys are involved. That or because I don't have to look at the PC guy with this.

Meter Maids can suck my tailpipe

I went to the store yesterday, and I was gone for like 5 minutes.

And wouldn't you know it, when I came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said, 'Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. Fucker.

So I called him a pencil-dicked dousche sucking nazi loving waste of jiz that his mom should have taken in the pooper.

He looked at me puzzled for a second, then glared and started writing another ticket for having worn tires!

So I called him a piece of horse shit. (feeling high from the last one--that's all I could come up with)

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket! So let him have it.

This went on for a good long time; the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

But, I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day.

It's important.

Just 'cause it's cool

well hot actually, but you, oh hell, never mind. I'm gonna go play rockband.

Bet You 10 bucks Wekweti is a Blonde

I can't spell BMW so i drive a Porsche, cause I'm a blonde yeah yeah yeah.

I Love Cartoons

It's a bit long at 8 minutes (for this ADD crowd anyway) but you really have to admire the amount of time spent on the boob physics.
boob physics. I love animated boob physics.

[BS] Presents: Things That Aren't News

So, the cover of People Magazine is devoted to telling the world that Clay Aiken is gay. The folks at People spent X number of dollars to TELL THE WORLD THAT CLAY AIKEN IS GAY. How in the name of dogshit is this news?? Everyone on the planet knows Clay Aiken is gay. No guy dresses like that, sings like that, and has hair like that unless he likes putting a dick or 9 in his face. So for People to run this as their cover story is like announcing to the world that fire is hot, water is wet, and Rosie O'Donnell is a fat ugly stupid talentless waste of oxygen.

As I said in the previous edition of Things That Aren't News, I am so damn sick of our news organizations telling me about the stupidest, most insignificant things. I know it's a boredom-byproduct of the 24-hour news world, but fuck me in the ear man. I don't care, at all, in any way whatsoever if Clay Gayken pitches or catches. All I am holding out hope for is the soon-to-be-repaired Large Hadron Collider opens a bad-ass black hole and puts everyone out of my misery.

[BS] Fashion: The Hand Bra

It's the next greatest thing since the miniskirt: the hand bra. This other crappy site has about 100 of 'em for your viewing pleasure (oh and the link is most likely not suitable for your work--if not that site the site the picts link to for sure)

They missed Katherine here so it's not a top 100, but I think the theory of modern warfare goes something like: "He who throws the most porn, wins" or somthing like that.

They've (co-ed mag linky above) also has an article entitled "3 Signs Your Girlfriend is Bat-Sh*t Crazy" there were a lot of words so I kinda got lost, but the picture was funny.

The Return of JaceOne

It's been almost a month since I've posted. That's like 3 years. I know my legions of rabid fans have missed me. But as they say, separation makes the heart grow fonder. Or is it reparation? Masturbation, that's it. Anyways, I'm back and came across this little gem that reminded me of me. See, I'm basically 100% Ninja. I'm actually writing this blog from behind you right now. But you can't see me because I'M A NINJA. Ok, I'm kidding. I'm at your mom's house propping her up on the nightstand. Damnit, I'm getting side tracked.

This video is making the rounds on the Interwebs now about this bad ass little cat that does the freaky move-a-little-closer-when-you're-not-looking thing. Enjoy:

Sticky Note Fun - and its not even naughty

I haven't seen this before - I find it awesome. Much more lovely and beautiful then what I'd do with 280,951 sticky note. Like cover certain somebodies from head to toe and use them as a pinata.

Tuefels, Ass a Day

See, there, now don't you feel better?

Tuefels, Ass a Day

With Enough Lube...

I found this here fun little photo out there on the internets. It has this lovely heading:

"With enough lubrication, anything is possible."

you go girl!

Tuefels, Ass a Day

Tuefels, Ass a Day

Tuefels, Ass a Day

Tuefels, Ass a Day

Phone Sex

It was another boring Thursday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television (in the hopes that I would be entertained) when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"

Humm, my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number. Of course, it was also a dull evening, even for Iowa. "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"

"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.

"Ah, I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."

Silence on the other end...a confused silence. Oh yeah, I gots me a live one. "Is this Steve?"

My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. "Why, yes, yes it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"

"Well...he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him..." she said in a slightly irritated voice. I must have sounded a lot more like Steve than I had thought.

I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00."

A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"

"The girl he went out with." (I've seen Fletch several times).

"I know that! I mean....who is she?"

(She must have seen Fletch, too... or would that be Fletch Lives? oh well whatever...)

"I don't know her last name. Actually I didn't get much past her georgeous rack. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben or what?"

"Yes...please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."

She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. Now would be a good time to call an end to the charade. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"

She exploded this time. "WHO'S JENNIFER?!"

Apparently she wasn't.

Well...he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry...it was an honest mistake."

"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that ALICE called him and that she's VERY UPSET and that I would LIKE HIM to CALL ME as SOON AS HE GETS HOME."

I smiled and said, "Okay, I will...but Becky isn't going to like this..."

"BECKY?!?!?"

"*click*"

Then what?

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I can imagine this has happened. Women talk too much.

Bowser's Minions

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You gotta admit, These crazy creatures can’t all just be one trick pony clones of themselves, can they?

[BS] Advice From a Doctor: An Ass a Day

Trust me, what you need is an ass a day for the next week. You'll feel 100% better.

Kebert Xela

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

If you're gonna lose anyway, do it in style.

[BS] Education Presents: Flowers for Men

Not that any women read (or should for that matter) but just-in-case a chicks luck has hit the bad end of a pit-bull's infected anal gland and stumbled onto this site...

Remember:

Guys like flowers too.
And by flowers, I mean, blow jobs.
And by blow jobs, I mean actually, for you to suck his cock.
with your mouth.
and don't forget to play with his balls.
A little.

Always look for the yo-yo

[BS] Thought of the day: Think Safety

Now, genitalmen gentlemen, I want you to consider this; make this your motivation for the afternoon--she's strapping one on for safety!

Some failures are just too painful

No words, I have none...

Masturbation

Masturbation is funny.
[BS] is funny.

So there you have it: this site is pretty much a used cum sock.

Olympic Games, Wha? I missed 'em?

Stealing more shit from Chicken effed bacon because I'm too lazy to come up my own crap...

I present Olympic female freestyle buttseks.

...but coach it's like God gave her this convenient carrying handle

...Whaa? Pin? Oh, I thought I was suppose to shove my hand up her ass and ask 谁是您的爸爸？