Fiat 126p

There are just no words... And now I gotta find video of those turbo dodge minivans that do 11 second 1/4 miles also.

He Should Have Said Vagina

Stick figures--Still Funny.

Stick Figures Are Always Funny

XKCD has some funny shit. Kinda highbrow for this crowd but hell if I can branch out so can you!

What's for Dinner

Humm...
What to eat.
What to eat...

Tuefel's First Hickey

I know this woman, her name is Tina. She has the fine distinction of being the first (and only) woman (girl at the time) to give me a hickey--she also kisses like a moose. It was so bad, that like this guy, I made some excuse in order not to go to bed with her. To put it in perspective how bad this particular kiss is--I was a virgin at the time and still didn't want to get laid by this lady.
Now how I know what a moose kisses like is a story for another time.

Tuefel Salutes the Sit-up

Thankyou for eating your vegtables and doing those sit-ups ladies. More over at Tuefels

Puppet's Guide to Metal

This is mainly an ode to Tuefel, as I know he loves the speed metal...

Charles and I Had a Connection

No, I don't hate you at all. It makes it all perfectly clear. I know exactly what I have to do now..

Cedric Delsaux

The geeke within wants you to check out Cedric Delsaux. Okay so he's cheeze eating surrender monkey, but the dude sure can doctor one cool photo shoot. (on his site you want the 'series' selection to get the Star Wars goodness.

Why Engineers Should be Allowed to Smoke Pot

This is exactly why engineers should be allowed to smoke weed. God bless this man for all the hallucinogenics he's done. God bless him. He tokes a little and then craps out this magnificent piece of, ah, umm...

Oh dude like we need more jelly fish. but like huge. oh and mechanical and like man i live in Ohio so water sucks so it's gotta be like fly'n and shit you know?

She has a boyfriend

She Has A Boyfriend - Watch more free videos

Great video of a guy trying to pick up some hotties, only to hear the B-word thrown in his face. His reaction is quite fantastic.

Check Out My Snake

Yeah I know what you were thinking, perv. And yeah I know it's not funny. But it's still a cool picture. And you so can start a sentence with a conjunction, it's correct English; stupid yes, but correct none-the-less.

You Never Even Ate It

Japan: continuing to bring you 78% of the worlds weird shit...

Tuefel Presents: Lucy Pinder

Yeah so I've been slacking off on the Tuefels site, and the clock needs to be updated, well, tough shit. I'll be damned before I start apologizing in this craptasm of a blog. Oh and Lucy is pretty so she gets some postage. And by pretty I mean: Holy shit did you see those titties?

Happy F*ck the Earth Day folks!

F*ck the Earth Day - Watch more free videos

Now I don't honestly believe in fucking the Earth, as the Earth is a shit pile bigger than me and could fuck me right back 9 ways from Sunday if she really wanted to, but I thought this was very poignant. I think this whole save the planet shit has gotten far too political and self righteous.

An Hour of Carlin

anyone know whythefuck google videos won't play on a google run blog site? I know this is free and all but wtf?
Classic George Carlin video. It's the full hour show and I believe is the origination of the phrase MongolianClusterFuck.
I plan on being very busy at work today--I'll have no time to watch this whole thing...

Badger Badger, but With a Fat Guy, and No Badger

In the grand tradition of the internets and completely wasting your friends time I present the video. Sadly it's got 12 million hits already on you tube so it's even more popular than not even close to the greatness that is Charlie the Unicorn. No actually don't watch this one it sucks. But it does mention Feta Cheese halfway through.

This is shockingly funny

I do not condone this mans actions, but this is SHOCKINGLY funny

We Take Our Beer Very Seriously

Don't fuck with my beer. biotch.

Bitchslap

It's just a harmless little bitchslap, jeeesuuschrist but it looks cool in slow motion.

Google Charts API

Google has this niftychart making api. You just type in your chart info in a url to chart.apis.google.com and pow! You've got pacman poo! Yeah we just had to go there.

Cancer boy bankrupts Make a Wish Foundation

Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation With Wish For Unlimited Wishes

This is so awesomely wrong.

New cell company

I need to get me some X-Mobile for all them bitches I'm calling. And yes, that means you Fallout Boy...

How Big is a Billion

I didn't write this, but thought it may be interesting to post. Oh and yes I'm part of the right wing conspiracy and have received my marching orders. I am a mind numbed robot after all.

This is too true to be very funny. The next time you hear a politician use
the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want the
"politicians" spending YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency
did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its
releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our
government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New
Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division . .
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for
$250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man,
woman, child), you each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets
$1,329,787.

C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D.C. HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??

Natalie Portman is a Nice Girl

I'm so confused. Is this funny? Is this hot? Probably neither but the scariest question:

Is Jaceone really Natalie Portman?

Elephants Never Forget

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly .

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

(ruthlessly stolen from mistupid)

Stick this in a Mazda 6

In today's age of easy photo retouching and 3-d computer graphics it's easy to get underwhelmed by a mere photo. But this one still has me in immediate need to change my skives.

I stole this one from the CIA (check the linky-link, man). It's a test run of an engine for the A-12--the precursor to the ohSoFuckingAwsome SR-71 blackbird.

Take a moment and zen on that engine. Ah.
You know the world can't be all bad.

I'm a Shark

Childrens' Letters to President Bush

Dear President Bush,

I want a Super Soaker and Rollerblades and an X-Box 360 with lots of games. Mom says I should write to Santa Claus instead, but he’s just some fat Swede and you’re the leader of the free world. It’s no contest! Anyway, I’ve been pretty good this year, except for that thing with the glue gun, but that was totally not my fault. Cats just don’t listen.

Sonny, age 10



Dear President Bush,

Can you really turn back time? Mommy’s life partner says you want to go back to a time when radio was popular and people wore hats and there were tigers everywhere. Just be careful that you don’t accidentally kill your own grandmother or grandfather, because then you wouldn’t exist. It’s a paradox.

Ashley, age 8



Dear President Bush,

There are too many states. I have to memorize all of them AND their stupid capitals (even Bismarck) and it’s too hard! Please get rid of some of them before I fail geography. Why not start with North Dakota? It’s small and cold and its state animal is a gopher. Nobody likes gophers.

Gene, age 9



Dear President Bush,

I used to want to be a politician like you, but not anymore. Aunt Lucy says politicians eat pies stuffed with baby birds. I tried to bake a pie like that, and now I’m not allowed in the park anymore, not even just to use the swings. It’s not fair!

Teddy, age 9




Dear President Bush,

Please find enclosed fifty cents. I am a lobbyist, this is a campaign contribution, and now I own you. The first thing I want you to do is pass a law against bathtime. I HATE BATHTIME! Do it before supper and there is another fifty cents in it for you.

Zack, age 8

Hayden Panettiere

So help me out here fellas, is this "The Rocker"?

And before you get all up in arms, I can say things like that because she turns 19 this August.

Honest.

Dear Tide...

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am almost forty and with kids, I find it even better!

About, a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through pre-menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

[BS] Public Service Announcement: Zombie Appocalypse Draws Near

Here at [BS] we try to feed you the least amount of "BS" as possible. And our Public Service Announcement make sure to do this by bringing you only the facts all the time.

Just today, Digg.com a bunch of dudes with no life, girlfriends, or job (is Digg a job?) notified us of Zombie Computer security breaches with Homeland Security. People failed to recognize the large and growing threat of zombies and now the HSA can't contain them!

This may sound like a bad movie coming true but......YES....this is actually happening! Grab your favorite sawed off shotty, 9mm or bloody stump of a Chainsaw arm and blow away that Zombie Syphilis Infestation of a computer. Do it before it can turn and infest other computers around you. Check your co-workers in the cube next to you....more than likely, they're already brain dead from a Zombie Computer! If it's too hard to tell, just run and save yourself.

Tread cautiously, and trust no one. If you must; Google it up or watch TV to see it for yourself, but the Zombie Appocalypse it coming true:

http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/04/zombie-computer.html

Tuefel Presents: The Ass (Again)

Tuefel proudly presents the posterior in all of its perfection. err...

Nothing to See Here, Move Along

Chuck Storm, Live at the Scene.

Chuck Storm, Ace Reporter. "Doh God!"

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!

Booty Contest - NSFW

EDIT - After careful review with a bottle of KY and...wait, what?!, the below link has been deemed NSFW. Monica is definitely showing some breasticles. Private viewing only please. Carry on.

I thought BS readers may want to point their RSS feed readers to Asteroidbooty.com where our host is conducting a booty contest. On a irregular and infrequent basis she posts a contest between two great booties.

The latest one was Monica Bellucci vs. Salma Hayek.

Previous ones were:
Shakira vs. Vida
Rihanna vs. Beyonce
Adriana Lima vs. Brooke Burke
Kim Kardashian vs. CoCo (Mrs. T)

here is a summary page: Booty Playoffs

Jeff Martin

Http://www.jeffmartin.com

Hot damn batman, our first fan post! See the link really works, and we care, we really do. The formatting is pretty much buggered all to hell but we'll work the kinks out.

Nice hearing from you Jeff.

MYTH of GLOBAL Warming

Micheal CRICHTON
You think man can destroy the planet? What intoxicating vanity. Let me tell you about our planet. Earth is four-and-a-half-billion-years-old. There's been life on it for nearly that long, 3.8 billion years. Bacteria first; later the first multicellular life, then the first complex creatures in the sea, on the land. Then finally the great sweeping ages of animals, the amphibians, the dinosaurs, at last the mammals, each one enduring millions on millions of years, great dynasties of creatures rising, flourishing, dying away -- all this against a background of continuous and violent upheaval. Mountain ranges thrust up, eroded away, cometary impacts, volcano eruptions, oceans rising and falling, whole continents moving, an endless, constant, violent change, colliding, buckling to make mountains over millions of years. Earth has survived everything in its time.
It will certainly survive us. If all the nuclear weapons in the world went off at once and all the plants, all the animals died and the earth was sizzling hot for a hundred thousand years, life would survive, somewhere: under the soil, frozen in arctic ice. Sooner or later, when the planet was no longer inhospitable, life would spread again. The evolutionary process would begin again. Might take a few billion years for life to regain its present variety. Of course, it would be very different from what it is now, but the earth would survive our folly, only we would not. If the ozone layer gets thinner, ultraviolet radiation sears earth, so what? Ultraviolet radiation is good for life. It's powerful energy. It promotes mutation, change. Many forms of life will thrive with more UV radiation. Many others will die out. You think this is the first time that's happened? Think about oxygen. Necessary for life now, but oxygen is actually a metabolic poison, a corrosive glass, like fluorine. When oxygen was first produced as a waste product by certain plant cells some three billion years ago, it created a crisis for all other life on earth. Those plants were polluting the environment, exhaling a lethal gas. Earth eventually had an atmosphere incompatible with life. Nevertheless, life on earth took care of itself. In the thinking of the human being a hundred years is a long time. Hundred years ago we didn't have cars, airplanes, computers or vaccines. It was a whole different world, but to the earth, a hundred years is nothing. A million years is nothing. This planet lives and breathes on a much vaster scale. We can't imagine its slow and powerful rhythms, and we haven't got the humility to try. We've been residents here for the blink of an eye. If we're gone tomorrow, the earth will not miss us.

http://mfile.akamai.com/5020/wma/rushlimb.download.akamai.com/5020/clips/04/12/120704_9_tape.asx

i like beer

The Wisdom of Mother Nature

I was going to apologize for not knowing how to make this bigger, but I figured the immature pervs reading this site would just start snickering "He can't make it bigger" and wouldn't get to the post anyway.

Oh and fuck you, through the awsome powers of my brain I figured out how to 'make it bigger' (I asked my wife).

But Did You See the Moon Walking Bear?

now if only i could find that "would you pass the cyclist test" I could make this a PSA series. Yes, I know, too much excitement really. You can handle it; just like that two liter Pepsi enema last weekend. You just need a little more acid and it'll sound like a great idea. Trust me.

Engineers Make the Best Terrorists

"Engineers' focus and attention to details, along with their perceived lack of social skills, make them ideal targets to be recruited as terrorists, according to EETimes. Planning skills make engineers good 'field operatives' was written up by Raphael Perl, who heads the Action against Terrorism Unit of Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe. He offers that 'Engineers ideally make excellent strategic planners, and they make excellent field operatives. They think differently from how other people think.' That may sound like a stereotype, but Perl claims that 'because of those traits, terrorist groups actively recruit engineers.' He says that Al-Qaeda has widely acknowledged that a significant number of the group's top leadership had engineering backgrounds."

What do you use your computer for?

I thought the computer was only for World of Warcraft?

JACEONE's New Home

A home even Joe Dirt would envy

Police and 911 Video