Lend a Helping Hand

[BS] Education Presents:

This is a really great old flash animation. Nothing is funnier than seeing hearing an old white dude talk gangster.

we'll get you to your ho and back lickity split..

http://katunk.com/dillta/

St. Peter's Gate

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in. The first man in line started telling his story, "Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn''t find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am."

The next man came up and started his story. "St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought ''Please God spare my life'' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I''m here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me."

It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. "Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick''s refrigerator....."

Doug Stanhope - Two Headed Baby

Ramstein - Ich Wil

just a good song and a cool video..

I want this guys cube

Transgender Man Says He's Pregnant

YES JACEONE There is hope yet for you to have a baby

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4526582&page=1

Shut your face please!

This dude comes up with the perfect way to shut up some chatty Kathys.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Check your office mates…. The Science of Gaydar
EXAMPLE A: Hair Whorl (Men)
Gay men are more likely than straight men to have a counterclockwise whorl.

This is good for women so they know who to hit on.

Look at these puppies fly!!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Best Job Interview Ever

This is 30 different levels of wrong, which makes it totally awesome.

[BS] Education Presents: The Zombie Apocalypse

Ok folks. If you didn't know by now, we are on a direct course to a major zombie apocalypse. It's 100% fact that there will be a time when everyone you love will turn into a brain eating zombie and try to kill you. You have to be prepared for that. It could happen next week. It could happen tomorrow. It could have already happened and you've been bumping uglies with a zombie. You sick fuck.

In any case, take this handy quiz we stole from some other site. It may just SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Retro cool..

i remember this when it was the coolest thing ever..


man i am getting old..

We Go Out Live Here, Right?

We've been going together for seven years now and I just want to say...

Air rage...

Thats some good policing right there..

Buttplug Flowchart

So I was sitting on my couch naked eating cheetos and really wishing I hadn't sold my last buttplug on eBay for coke money. I thought about using an alternative object, but wasn't quite sure about how to approach such an important quest. A quick Google search produced this handy flowchart. Follow it closely and you'll be right on your way to finding the perfect object to jam up your ass.

This is the copyright of whoever the fuck made it.

[BS] PSA - Survive the Coming Zombie Apocalypse

On a serious note, our scientific experts here at [BS] have determined that there is a 79.6% chance that the bird flu will mutate itself to a form that will allow human to human transfers.

The insidious form this transfer will take has been narrowed down to one terrible method: the Zombie Apocalypse.

So okay it's not a true human to human transfer; really more like a zombie to human via the consumption of the brain kind of transfer. None-the-less, it's gonna happen, and it's gonna effect you!

So be prepared.

The Easter Bunny Says Bock Bock

The Easter Bunny would like to wish you all a very happy "horray, Jesus isn't dead" day!

Tuefels Clock

The clock has been updated.
New and Improved!
Extra shiny.

Oh, and also .net 2.0 compatible now. It turns out not everyone is hip and has 3.5...

[BS] Training Video -- Sexual Harassment Policy

It's not 'hair-es-ment',it's pronounced 'her-ass-ment', note the emphasis on 'ass'--it just makes sense that way. As it's all about the ass; looking at, pinching, poking, or smacking her ass.

"Word around the office is that you've got a fat cock."
ladies.

Sexual Harassment--Proper Complaint Filing

Ladies. If you find yourself sexually harassed by anyone at [BS] please follow the [BS] approved method of filing said complaint:

Don't Flirt with Jamie

The next installment in our Social Awareness -- Sexual Harassment training for [BS] employees.
Why sexual harassment is bad...
Consequences.

Sexual Harassment Training, Part Shmooby

Sexual harassment is funnyserious enough to warrant two instructional videos. Besides any video that tells me I can't say 'fun bags' at my place of work, well, is just good times.

Royals Fart TOO

Did Philip Fart? What do you think?



The expressions are priceless! Look at the Queen's face!

Robby Roadsteamer "Let Me Put The Tip In" with Aaron

[BS] Humanity Presents: Bluetooth headsets

I think I'm going to try to make this a weekly column. Every week (or whenever I damn well feel like it), I'm going to write a nice little rant on another reason why I am losing faith in humanity. It will be called [BS] Humanity. Very fitting I think. This weeks' topic: Bluetooth headsets.


These are, by far, the most popular douchebag accessory ever invented. Now I know we use the word douchebag quite a bit here on [BS], but it fits absolutely perfectly in this example. If I could, I would publicly murder every single asshole I see that wears their Bluetooth headset in public. In your car, while you're driving? Ok, I'll give you that. Frees up you hand to jerk off or whatever. But walking around the mall? Standing in line at the bank? Are you fucking kidding me? What a Bluedouche headset says to me is "I'm waaaaaay too busy and important to hold my cell phone."


Ok, so the specific reason for this whole rant? I went to lunch today and a douchebag walks in with a Bluetooth headset in his right ear. Right there, on the side of his dome screaming "Look at my Bluetooth everyone! I wish someone would stab me in the face!" Now a million people a day do this, but here's the kicker: On his left ear, was: HIS FUCKING CELL PHONE! He was talking on his cell phone like a normal human AND wearing a Bluetooth at the same time!! Are you fucking kidding me??! It was all I could do to not break my chair over the side of his face. I am so very close to pulling a George Carlin and denouncing my membership to the human race. We are all fucking screwed.

Suck it Berkeley--Here's a Straw

Feb 6th -- Senators Introduce Semper Fi Act of 2008. The bill would rescind over $2 million in hidden earmarks for Berkeley, California in the 2008 Omnibus Appropriations bill, and transfer the funds to the Marine Corps.

One earmark provides $243,000 in taxpayer dollars for the organization Chez Panisse to create gourmet organic school lunches in the Berkeley School District. Chez Panisse is dedicated to “environmental harmony” and their menu features “Comté cheese soufflé with mâche salad,” “Meyer lemon éclairs with huckleberry coulis,” and “Chicory salad with creamy anchovy vinaigrette and olive toast.”

When I was in the Corp all our food was brown. I swear they started with the chocolate milk, when it got too solid to drink, they called it gravy, then cake, then the Salisbury steak.

It's a damn good thing Berkeley rescinded their statement and those kids get that gourmet organic food again! I'd hate for someone else to have to eat 'brown'. Oh you perv, that's not what I meant at all. And I have absolutely no idea who this Sanchez is, you coprophalic bastage.

Rhona Mitra's Astounding Bottom

Rhona Mitra’s bottom + catsuit = Religious experience

Ever the perv trying to find the next female feature; I hear wind of a single perfect bottom moving mankind to enlightenment. So Miss Mitra is a modern day Muse—an inspiration for this generation but yet I can’t find one single decent shot featuring her ass.

This travesty must not be allowed to persist!

So the call to arms of [BS] is sounded! We must contact her agent and publicist to decry this woeful lack of Rhona’s round rump.

I’ve only one problem, how the hell do you email these?

Steve Alexander
9830 Wilshire Boulevard
Beverly Hills, CA 90212

Annette Wolf
Wolf-Kasteler-Van Iden and Associates Public Relations
335 North Maple Dr.
Suite 351
Beverly Hills, CA 90210

Marines Invade Berkeley

Tuefels Body Part of the Week

If you were all pissed off because I posted all butts last week. Suck on these, you bastards!

If you have any suggestions please feel free to email to customer service or if you are really nice, I'll take requests sent to tuefel right here at butterflysuide.com.

Oh and let me know how you are liking the Clock.

Tuefels Babe of the Week

Tuefels babe of the week is actually a clock. WTF you say? Yeah well just go download the thing and enjoy.
A quick set of instructions:
Go get winRar and unzip the thing. Then run setup (yes, one step install would be nice, but I never claim to be anything other than a code monkey, yo)
right click for menu options (just play with it a little while to figure stuff out, I'm sure you're use to playing with it right?)

keyboard shortcuts:
esc - close
delete - never show this offensive picture again, ever
space - toggle the pictures cycling (spend some quality time with her)
up arrow - show
down arrow - oh fuck it's the boss
left arrow - next
right arrow - waitaminuteiwanttoseethatassagain

Disclaimer:
If you don't like what you find on Tuefels you aren't going to like this 'clock'.
We claim no warranty whatsoever, up to and including ending the end of all life as we know it if you install and, worse yet, actually run the thing. We (most likely) got rid of the memory leak, and aren't going to try to do bad things to your computer, but hey, shit happens. So if this app screws the pooch, it's actually your fault for being the dumbass.
thanks.

JaceOne & the Rugby Ball

A Butterfly Suicide Movie Review: DOOMSDAY

DOOMSDAY makes me want to be a better man. DOOMSDAY inspires my imagination to ascend to stratospheric heights. DOOMSDAY thrilled me to the core of my being. DOOMSDAY is meant to be enjoyed. DOOMSDAY is an intensely personal experience. DOOMSDAY, for me, is a religious experience.

And by DOOMSDAY, I actually mean Rhona Mitra's astounding bottom.

Actual review: John Carpenter and George Miller aren't making these movies anymore, so someone has to. Reviewers need to lighten up.

And again....

In the styly of Postman Pat

Internet Commenter Business Meeting

From our good friends at CollegeHumor (we're BFF's), comes a video that is hilarious to anyone that reads comments or surf's a lot of the Internets. There are 2 sequels that will be posted later...

Okay, a post with a picture

So the love doll industry has caught up with the times. No more with the blonde fishface that we all know and...you know...love.

Hollywood Tuna breaks the story...choose from "Lindsay", or "JHo", or several others. Three "thrilling love holes" come standard. Oh, I could do this all day! Woo-hoo! Puns so funs!

Nobody is talking about the fact that the Paris model is actually what you're looking at half the time on TMZ. Those times she says nothing and you think for a second she's not a complete idiot? Love doll.

Actually, if you click through to see the actual doll, it's just fishface with a new haircolor. You're better off ripping a penis-sized hole in the box, which is a lot easier than trying to inflate the thing in the store and claiming it was an accident.

I need your help, readers!

The girl in this commercial is so hot. I scoured the depths of the Interwebs and could not find her name. If anyone is better at Google searches than me, please find who she is. I plan on finding her and putting a burlap sack over her head...

Ummm, Fallout Boy...

...sorry I gave your dog mushrooms. No hard feelings. I'll post the video later :)

Burglary

Einstein

August 19 was Einstein's birthday. He would have been 128.
Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married
his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.
He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed.
He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts,
the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection.......................
This came to be known as Einstein’s Theory of "Relative Titty"

Photos Of Eliot Spitzer's Hooker

Meet "Kristen," the 22-year-old woman who brought down the governor
MARCH 12--Meet "Kristen," the high-priced hooker who trysted with Eliot "Client-9" Spitzer last month at that Washington, D.C. hotel. The 22-year-old prostitute's real name is Ashley Alexandra Dupre (though she was born Ashley Youmans), according to a New York Times report. On the following pages you'll find an assortment of photos that the young prostitute previously uploaded to a music web site and her MySpace page, which describes Kristen/Ashley as an aspiring musician who left home at 17 and has been in New York City since 2004. (8 pages)

How To Feel Old

Of all the things to happen into, here's a list of well-remembered shows in Lubbock, Texas over the years. I went to Texas Tech University for six years (87-93)--that's a Bachelor's and a Master's thangyaverramuch. I was an extreme metalhead for most of this time, excepting a period where I sold every single metal cd I owned and went Jazz. I can remember the tower of discs on the table at University Records...so many autographed ones...agh, it's too painful to think about now.

Of this list, I saw:

4/15/89- Bon Jovi, Skid Row @ Col -- My vivid memory of this was hanging out at Ralph's Records (still one of the greatest stores even in terms of sheer collected vinyl) and going up to the counter to pay. I was a regular, so all the guys knew me. The fellow ahead of me in line? Sebastian Bach. The fellows say "Oh, hey, this is John" and he's a real swell guy. We talk a bit, I walk out a little weirded out. I never meet famous people well. They don't exist, not really.

4/25/89-"Metalfest 89" Dark Angel, Death @ Dallas Nights -- Oh my god, my head rung for days. Dallas Nights was a club like Hell itself. It was large cheap and loud. When there wasn't a band playing, they had these girls wander around with baskets of these tiny fake roses that you could buy in vain and shameless attempts to get laid. They walked around with bored looks on their faces through this place that looked like crap even in low light. The guy who ran it at the time, Carmine, was one of those movie Italians who would try to grab your balls whenever you saw him. Dark Angel had some really offensive shirts, and I got one for my pal Morgan who was still in High School in Perryton, TX. It was of a guy all splayed open and nailed down with his guts hanging out, real notebook cover kind of stuff. It wouldn't take them ten seconds to send him home from school to change. Morgan is a metalhead for real these days. His new outfit is called Blood of Ronin.

5/31/88-Yngwie Malmsteen, Krokus, Black n Blue @ Col -- no I didn't go see Yngwie fucking Malmsteen. That was a test. Next!

9/28/88-Judas Priest, Cinderella @ Col -- Holy wow, what a concert. Cinderella was riding high on their second album so they did the whole thing, including lowering a grand piano on wires. The lead singer even stopped in mid song to break up a fight in the audience up front. Priest was Priest; I can remember really having my first thoughts along the line of "What's up with Halford anyway? The whole leather thing looks kinda gay up close" at this concert. On the way out after there was a guy who passed out in the stands to either side and he'd shattered his nose on the metal railing. Ow.

11/3/89-Billy Squier, Kings X, Blue Murder--Reeeeally underattended. Lot of room on the old Col floor to the point where the Ralph's Records guys found Blue Murder (well, Billy Sheehan and Tony Franklin at least) wandering the floor during Squier's set. Sheehan is tall as a tree and Franklin still looked like he was in The Firm, which made him look not at all metal. Nice guys though. Another acquaintance reported giving King's X rides around Lubbock too, but that's unconfirmed (ie "probably bullshit"). One of the Ralph's guys told me he'd been shown a naked Polaroid of a member of Blue Murder the next day. He liked to be naked when he smoked up, it seems.

11/4/88-Foreigner -- if you ask me if I saw Foreigner in the late 80s I will kill you.

11/5/92-Dangerous Toys @ Depot --Small venue, good show once Dangerous Toys figured out we could give a shit about their album and they started playing Led Zeppelin covers. A guy who came with us wandered right into them while they were playing. He was looking for a place to throw up.

11/15/88- Robert Plant, Joan Jett -- that stuff you hear about Robert Plant being a wanker is mostly true. He played a lot of revved-up versions of blues classics to an audience that had just been listening to Joan Jett rock the hell out of the place. He stopped several times to lecture us on out musical heritage. That sure was fun.

This list doesn't include Dallas Night's famous metal cabarets (essentially) in the middle of the week. For a flat fee (usually 7 bucks as I recall) you could see a mess of no-name metal bands. Some became big, though--Sacred Reich, Realm...you have no idea at all do you, dear reader.

I'm gonna go shoo kids off my lawn now.

Everyone Needs Goals -- [BS] Edit

Our crack team here at [BS] is proud to, oh hell, I'm laughing too hard to continue... Extensive market studies have determined that our audience members are a bunch of 12 year old wankers in goatees. To that end there was a recent post that many of our dedicated readers had a hard time focusing long enough to make it to the end (oh look shiny).

Let me Summarize:

If you thought the seven deadly sins were: lust, gluttony, avarice, sloth, anger, envy and pride. You'd be wrong, so wrong, and halfway on the short bus straight to hell my friend.

So listen up the new and improved for the 21st century deadly sins are:

ruining the environment, carrying out morally debatable scientific experiments, or allowing genetic manipulations which alter DNA or compromise embryos, taking or dealing in drugs, social injustice which caused poverty and excessive accumulation of wealth. (the new Pope is no Dante.) Strangely enough pedophilia continues to preoccupy the minds of the church and so stays on the list.

So to sum up the summary:

no fart'n, no science fair volcanoes, robotussen shooters are right out, [], give us your money, and the next time I place a Jialbait post for you dirty wankers. Feel really really bad for thinking it is funny.

To Summarize, the Summation of the Summary:

Click on the picture and laugh at the kid in the trash can.

Oh and another thing: go to Humor-blogs.com to drive our craptasity to new levels, and to get a chuckle or two. But really I'm sick of our rank being 52.

99 Luftballons

Who would have thought back in 1984 that Nena's hit would have been turned into such a moving video. God Bless the Internet.

[BS] Education Presents: The Crack Spider

Grew up on National Geographic and the Discovery Channel. My how things have changed.

Death By Tray

Oh alright, I'm Jeff Vader.

Ode to the Ass

How do I love thee...
Doggie Style.
Reverse Cowgirl.
Spoon.
Bent over,
the bed,
the couch,
the sink,
the sofa,
and my knee.

Tuefels Babe of the Week is (are) black and white photos of the female tush. Very high brow. Artistic. Not explotive nor objectifying at all.
I'd never...

funny cos its true

Everyone Needs Goals and the Vatican Delivers

All...I know some of you think the orginal 7 deadly sins are getting OLD and too easy to break. Well here comes the vatican with new improved 7 deadly sins so that we can have more things to break....ENJOY!!!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,336330,00.html
Vatican Adds Seven New Deadly Sins Including Abortion, Contraception and Drug-Dealing
Monday , March 10, 2008

By Richard Owen

Drug pushers, the obscenely rich, environmental polluters and “manipulative” genetic scientists beware — you may be in danger of losing your mortal soul unless you repent.

After 1,500 years the Vatican has brought the seven deadly sins up to date by adding seven new ones for the age of globalization. The list, published yesterday in L’Osservatore Romano, the Vatican newspaper, came as the Pope deplored the “decreasing sense of sin” in today’s “secularized world” and the falling numbers of Roman Catholics going to confession.

The Catholic Church divides sins into venial, or less serious, sins and mortal sins, which threaten the soul with eternal damnation unless absolved before death through confession and penitence.

It holds mortal sins to be “grave violations of the Ten Commandments and the Beatitudes,” including murder, contraception, abortion, perjury, adultery and lust.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that “immediately after death the souls of those who die in a state of mortal sin descend into Hell.”

Although there is no definitive list of mortal sins, many believers accept the broad seven deadly sins or capital vices laid down in the 6th century by Pope Gregory the Great and popularized in the Middle Ages by Dante in "The Inferno": lust, gluttony, avarice, sloth, anger, envy and pride.

Christians are exhorted instead to adhere to the seven holy virtues: chastity, abstinence, temperance, diligence, patience, kindness and humility.

Bishop Gianfranco Girotti, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary, the Vatican body which oversees confessions and plenary indulgences, said after a week-long Lenten seminar for priests that surveys showed 60 percent of Catholics in Italy no longer went to confession.

He said that priests must take account of “new sins which have appeared on the horizon of humanity as a corollary of the unstoppable process of globalization.” Whereas sin in the past was thought of as being an individual matter, it now has “social resonance.”

“You offend God not only by stealing, blaspheming or coveting your neighbor’s wife, but also by ruining the environment, carrying out morally debatable scientific experiments, or allowing genetic manipulations which alter DNA or compromise embryos,” he said.

Bishop Girotti said that mortal sins also included taking or dealing in drugs, and social injustice which caused poverty or “the excessive accumulation of wealth by a few.”

He said that two mortal sins which continued to preoccupy the Vatican were abortion, which offended “the dignity and rights of women,” and pedophilia, which had even infected the clergy itself and so had exposed the “human and institutional fragility of the Church.”

The mass media had “blown up” the issue “to discredit the Church,” but the Church itself was taking steps to deal with it, according to Girotti.

Addressing the Apostolic Penitentiary seminar, the Pope said there was “a certain disaffection” with confession among the faithful. Priests had to show “divine tenderness for penitent sinners” and admit their own failings.

“Those who trust in themselves and in their own merits are, as it were, blinded by their own ‘I’, and their hearts harden in sin. Those who recognize themselves as weak and sinful entrust themselves to God, and from Him obtain grace and forgiveness.”

The Pope also complained that an increasing number of people in the secularized West were “making do without God.”

He said that hedonism and consumerism had even invaded “the bosom of the Church itself, deeply undermining the Christian faith from within, and undermining the lifestyle and daily behavior of believers.”

Eastern Catholics do not recognize the same distinction between mortal and venial sins as the Western or Latin Church does, nor do they believe that those people who die in a state of sin are condemned to automatic damnation.

wonderful reading for kids

Whitest Kids You Know - Cubicle Boss

Here's another video from the "Slow Jerk" guys. "I'm not finished with my drawing yet!!"

LONG TAKEOFF

Awesome long take off of a Russian IL76 in Australia. Listen to the guys in the background.

I love math

Hockey Jungle-Sex Three-Way

Have you been cheese nachos?

Greatest Moments in Sports

The four greatest moments in sports:

1980 USA Hockey Team Defeats Soviets 4-3

Tiger Woods became the youngest Masters champion at age 21.

the greatest:
Ken defeats Chun-Li in 2004 Street fighter championships.



the way the crowd goes wild, you'd think it was the greatest moment in sports history. wtf?
oh and the quote of the day?
"It's madness. It's unadulterated madness!"

Slow Motion Lighter

A lighter in slow motion capture thingie ma bob ish. ah. well crap. Kids don't drink and blog... anyway, it's worth 26 seconds of your life. (and only takes 24 seconds so watching this vid will extend your life by two seconds, guaranteed)

oh my god i love fire.

The Mother of All MILFs

Okay so I’m not really suggesting that you go out, dig a hole, put some water in for lube, and go to town.

Well, actually, tongues stuck to metal poles are pretty damn funny… So, yeah go right out and get your willy frozen to good ‘ole Mother Earth and forever be known as “Frozen Mud Fucker”. But make sure to get a video for your fifteen minutes on youtube.

Alrighty, the point of this post isn’t to get all 'sex'n up the mud' but to geek out on such a kicking photo. Yep that’s Mother Earth and our Moon as seen from the surface of Mars. Oh yeah, friggin Mars! Go check out University of Arizona’s High Resolution Science Experiment for more.

Oh and if you’re thinking there’s a niche for sexing up mother earth… these pervs beat you to it.

Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

This is great. Must watch this before my post below.

NSFW - Ultimate Orgy of Homosexuality

Make sure you watch this after the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. And you may want to watch this at home because it may contain one or two fictionally drawn penises. Or 10,000 of them. Either way, you'll never look at your favorite super heroes the same way again.

I DATE A HOOKER

I was perusing my occasional mailing from Last Gasp and one title caught my eye--I DATE A HOOKER by Jeff Fischer. A guy takes hookers on dates, regular dates, not...you know..."dates". He had a photographer record the proceedings and he wrote his own thoughts. Don't want to shell out eight bucks for it? Me either. So here's the website of the photographer, who put up a pile of the pages on her website! My favorite? Hell, son, the date at the shooting range! Just keep on clicking; it's amazing stuff.

He Married a Whore

You gotta love this guy..... This is a true storycomplete load of crap (but funny none the less) about a recent wedding... It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride and her family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, " Fuck you!" Then he turned to his bride and said, "Fuck you!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride and best man in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.

(Snopes.com has the full scoop if you're into shit like that)

He Married a Whore part 2

This one's also fake but adds that certain something that just grabs you:

More kinky goings-on in Varazdin, Croatia this week, where doctors had to be called to separate the Bride and Best Man after they were caught having sex in the toilets during the wedding!

According to witnesses, a friend of the groom discovered the unfaithful pair when he walked in on them and found them in a 'very compromising position'. To make matters worse, the shock of being caught in the act caused the young woman to undergo an intense muscle spasm, effectively locking the couple together tighter than a fish's arsehole

The horrified groom soon witnessed the shocking scene for himself, but as a parade of wedding guests filed into the room the bride's muscles clenched even tighter preventing any possible escape attempts.

A difference of opinion as to how to free the couple soon developed among the wedding guests. The groom's suggestion of cutting his best man free with "a rusty carving knife" was immediately rejected by the horrified man's family. As was his suggestion of "kicking the pair to freedom."

Eventually, the couple were transported, still joined at the waist, on a stretcher, to the local hospital where the bride was given a muscle relaxant which finally allowed the best man to get free from the hoe's hole.

The groom immediately handed his "bride" her panties and announced, "Here! These are to keep your ankles warm", before throwing her out onto the street to the cheers of his family.
Surprisingly enough, the wedding party actually went ahead as planned after the groom announced to his guests that the celebrations would now mark his divorce rather than his wedding!

During the Champagne toast the groom joked, "My best friend has run off with my wife. God, I miss him already!"

Cars + Guns = Fun

GREEN TEAM

Surprise visit

Awkward Surprise Visit - Watch more free videos

Oh boy, does the punchline to this video hit you in the face. Definitely wasn't expecting that. Awesome!

Nerd Porn

The dude is on a rant. "Monosyllabic Cock Hungry Nymphos" boo!
"...the sexiest thing in the world is a woman who is smarter than you are." sweet. nerd porn.

And Ladies, if you are an intelligent woman looking to break into the adult film industry, and you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet you're hired!
(seriously, contact jaceone at butterflysuicide dottcom)

Ten gets you twenty says google pulls their ads for this post, ha! psa-land here we come.